I was bored at home the other day and playing around on the intrawebs. I somehow stumbled across Cake Wrecks. As I was browsing through the older entries I found one that had a picture of what was supposed to be a cake for a hockey fan.
The author wasn't familiar with the sport and asked her husband to explain it to her. This is what she heard:
"See, apparently they play this sport on ice - but they have to make sure the ice is really thick, or else their cleats will scuff it all up. The players wear lots of padding and helmets, and carry little butterfly nets on sticks with which to hit the ball around. The object of the game is to score a triple Hail Mary - which is just another name for a running slam dunk - and consists of knocking three other players down while simultaneously dunking the ball through one of the red rings. Players known as running backs try to kick the ball, but the other team's catchers use their heads and butterfly nets to deflect the ball away from their side's field goal. Any running backs who are able to push the other team's running backs out of the big circle in the middle get what's called a free throw, in which they're allowed to chuck the ball at the head of their least favorite player. If they miss, their team only scores a half-down, but if the ball hits the other player, they score a hole-in-one."
I just about pissed myself laughing after reading that. I don't think I've ever heard a more accurate definition of what most non sports enthusiasts hear when trying to understand a sport they don't care for or watch on a regular basis.
To see the cake in question and read her entire post go here
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Sunday, November 09, 2008
32 Wierd names found while trolling MySpace
Okay so I joined the dark side and have a myspace page. Mostly as a way to keep in touch with friends who wont do it any other way.
While I was "browsing" for friends the other night I ran across some rather interesting and funny profile names. Here they are in no particular order
There would have been more but I got bored looking for more. It wasn't fun anymore. So there you go.
While I was "browsing" for friends the other night I ran across some rather interesting and funny profile names. Here they are in no particular order
- WHAT THE FRENCH TOAST!!!!!!! - Yes there really were 7 exclamation points I counted.
- king ding a ling!!!!
- ♠Something like a pimp♠ - This on a females profile
- JaggedlyMajestic - I didn't see anything majestic about this person on her profile
- Cudworth - I don't know if I'd advertise being worthy of being cow vomit
- NAME TAKEN - Pretty damn original, ranks right up there with making your password iforgot
- The Borough Creep - Looked pretty creepy in his profile pic
- Green Eyed Dork ^.^ - At least she's honest about what she is
- Boof Queen - What the hell is a boof and why would you want to be the queen of them
- The Love Burrito ♥ - The Love Burrito? Oh come on you couldn't come up with anything better than this?
- That One Girl - You know! That one that we saw at the thing!
- Res Ipsa Loquitor - How many people out there really know what this means (See here if you're one of those that doesn't know.)
- I changed my name to "His" chick - Who is he and why does he own you?
- Dream Seller - Ooh! I'll take a nice wet dream please.
- Hottie Mc.Awesome - She looks like she's about 12 in her pic
- Curlytoes - Why do we need to know this? Really I would have been happier with Hangstotheleft
- dont wear skinny jeans cause my knot$ dont fit - Rly? They dont? r u sur? Have you tryd l8ly?
- Punctuation, is? fun! - Only when used correctly sweetheart.
- Cheezy McCheeselson from Cheesleton - How cheesy.
- Take My Magic Marker and Blacked Your Left Lung - How do you propose I do this? Should I smoke it? Should I just try inhaling without lighting it? Or should I cut myself open and color on my lung?
- SEALED BENEATH THE SURFACE - Of what? Two week old pudding? Or are you trying to be all deep and emotional and you mean the real you is sealed beneath the surface you show the world?
- I'll Take The Rapist's For 200 - Really that's all you're worth?
- i make airplane noises when i swing - I'm sure all the men appreciate it.
- Ms. I Stay Fresh Like I'm Wrapped In Plastic - Wow that's a lot of last names. Must have been hard finding the husbands in the right order
- friend genetic vibes meet become urn friend - Ummmm, yeah.
- Mr Im doin me - Well thank you for sharing but you really should keep that to yourself unless you plan on charging people to watch.
- Are you Serious??? - Why yes I am. Thank you for asking
- eloquent delinquent - Okay just wierd
- Don Tomato - Are your goons named potato and butternut?
- KILLER POTATO ™ lovez FRANCE - Glad to know that potatoes love France. Especially killer potatoes
- Mumble Bee - Great so you buzz and don't enunciate. Must make talking to you really difficult
- C to the Lo - Okay but who's going to C to the Hi?
There would have been more but I got bored looking for more. It wasn't fun anymore. So there you go.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Constipation Studies
So I'm driving to my studio this morning listening to the local oldies radio station. I hear a commercial for Lifetree Clinical Research. They're doing a study on constipation. Specifically on opiate narcotics and the effects on bowel mobility. The commercial wasn't clear on that point.
I've had constipation problems since I was a baby. My mom said the first time I had a solid movement it scared her because it was bigger than what she could do. Since then it hasn't gotten better. I'll go three or four days sometimes between movements if I don't take a laxative or get enough fiber in my diet; and I start getting nauseous after eating towards the end of that time.
When those blessed days come I can spend as much as 30 minutes on the toilet. I don't try to rush things. Just let them happen naturally. This is learned after one time trying to rush it and tearing myself. Not good.
So I call the number and I start talking to this lady who's accepting applications at the research center.
Me: "I'm calling about the constipation study."
Her: "Oh Great! You have constipation?"
Me: "Since I was a baby. Scared my mom once when I was still in diapers."
Her actually sounding like she really cares: "Oh my you poor thing. Well let me ask. Are you taking opiates?"
Me: "No. Is that what you're looking for? People taking opiate narcotics?"
Her: "Yes. Well...hold on a second let me check something really quick."
Hold Music
Her: "Are you still there?"
Me: "Yes"
Her: "We're not looking for control subjects at this time. But you know you can look online for other places that might be doing research that can help you." In her most concerned voice, "I'm so sorry we couldn't help you."
I just about pissed myself laughiong at that, after hanging up of course. She really felt bad that I can't shit on a regular basis. Or at least she sounded like she cared. She takes her job a little too seriously.
I've had constipation problems since I was a baby. My mom said the first time I had a solid movement it scared her because it was bigger than what she could do. Since then it hasn't gotten better. I'll go three or four days sometimes between movements if I don't take a laxative or get enough fiber in my diet; and I start getting nauseous after eating towards the end of that time.
When those blessed days come I can spend as much as 30 minutes on the toilet. I don't try to rush things. Just let them happen naturally. This is learned after one time trying to rush it and tearing myself. Not good.
So I call the number and I start talking to this lady who's accepting applications at the research center.
Me: "I'm calling about the constipation study."
Her: "Oh Great! You have constipation?"
Me: "Since I was a baby. Scared my mom once when I was still in diapers."
Her actually sounding like she really cares: "Oh my you poor thing. Well let me ask. Are you taking opiates?"
Me: "No. Is that what you're looking for? People taking opiate narcotics?"
Her: "Yes. Well...hold on a second let me check something really quick."
Hold Music
Her: "Are you still there?"
Me: "Yes"
Her: "We're not looking for control subjects at this time. But you know you can look online for other places that might be doing research that can help you." In her most concerned voice, "I'm so sorry we couldn't help you."
I just about pissed myself laughiong at that, after hanging up of course. She really felt bad that I can't shit on a regular basis. Or at least she sounded like she cared. She takes her job a little too seriously.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Breaking In
In case you’re new here I spent a month in Paris when I was 17. It was a graduation gift to me; and Uncle Sam. We went with a local Community College as a group of about 30 people. We stayed in the dorms at La Citè.
My room was on the troisième floor, which in America would actually be the 4th floor not the 3rd. The first floor is 0 in France and most of Europe for some strange reason. This was also the top floor of the dorm. My room was in the corner of the building by the street which meant that I could look out my window and see a beautiful park.
The windows in these rooms opened inward and had very deep sills. I spent quite a bit of time sitting in my window doing my homework. The buildings were old enough that they had large stone ledges around the outside of the building. Being on the top floor the roof sloped away pretty quickly from the ledge. I also spent time standing on the ledge and leaning against the roof.
I was hanging out with my friend Lily one day when it started to get late. We had class the next day and decided to call it a night. Lily had apparently forgotten her key. Her roommate was already asleep and wouldn’t wake up to the knocking on the door, or the ringing of the phone.
We looked out one of my rooms windows and saw that her roommate had left the window open. There was no AC in this building. Having been in the rock climbing club in High School I have no fear of heights or hanging onto stone with my bare hands.
Since her bedroom window was open I decided to walk along the ledge outside the building to get into her window and let her into her room. Needless to say when I jumped down inside her dorm room her roommate woke up. Pounding on the door? No. Screaming telephone? No. 17 year old girl landing in her room? YES!
She wasn’t very happy. She started screaming at me to “Get out!!” I tried to calm her down by letting her know who I was but that just seemed to make her even angrier. She actually got out of bed and started chasing me towards the door.
Meanwhile Lily is waiting out in the hall for me to open the door. When I finally get there to open it she has this huge smile on her face, like she’s trying very hard not to laugh. I’m sure had I seen a mirror I would have seen the same expression on my face.
We both laughed our asses off about it the next day. Thought it was the funniest thing on the trip so far. This was about one week in. There was a lot more hilarity after this.
Our teacher from the states, who grew up in Paris and wasn’t staying at the dorms, came to talk to me the next day. Tried to yell at me and tell me he was going to send me home early. When I explained the situation and what we had tried first he changed his mind. This woman, whose name escapes me, was less than pleased to see me on the bus for the field trip the next day.
She tried to get the rest of the students after me too. When Lily and I explained what had happened they all laughed along with us. She didn’t make very many friends in Paris.
Come back later for more installments of my fun times in Paris. Like the time three of us chased a beggar off the metro.
My room was on the troisième floor, which in America would actually be the 4th floor not the 3rd. The first floor is 0 in France and most of Europe for some strange reason. This was also the top floor of the dorm. My room was in the corner of the building by the street which meant that I could look out my window and see a beautiful park.
The windows in these rooms opened inward and had very deep sills. I spent quite a bit of time sitting in my window doing my homework. The buildings were old enough that they had large stone ledges around the outside of the building. Being on the top floor the roof sloped away pretty quickly from the ledge. I also spent time standing on the ledge and leaning against the roof.
I was hanging out with my friend Lily one day when it started to get late. We had class the next day and decided to call it a night. Lily had apparently forgotten her key. Her roommate was already asleep and wouldn’t wake up to the knocking on the door, or the ringing of the phone.
We looked out one of my rooms windows and saw that her roommate had left the window open. There was no AC in this building. Having been in the rock climbing club in High School I have no fear of heights or hanging onto stone with my bare hands.
Since her bedroom window was open I decided to walk along the ledge outside the building to get into her window and let her into her room. Needless to say when I jumped down inside her dorm room her roommate woke up. Pounding on the door? No. Screaming telephone? No. 17 year old girl landing in her room? YES!
She wasn’t very happy. She started screaming at me to “Get out!!” I tried to calm her down by letting her know who I was but that just seemed to make her even angrier. She actually got out of bed and started chasing me towards the door.
Meanwhile Lily is waiting out in the hall for me to open the door. When I finally get there to open it she has this huge smile on her face, like she’s trying very hard not to laugh. I’m sure had I seen a mirror I would have seen the same expression on my face.
We both laughed our asses off about it the next day. Thought it was the funniest thing on the trip so far. This was about one week in. There was a lot more hilarity after this.
Our teacher from the states, who grew up in Paris and wasn’t staying at the dorms, came to talk to me the next day. Tried to yell at me and tell me he was going to send me home early. When I explained the situation and what we had tried first he changed his mind. This woman, whose name escapes me, was less than pleased to see me on the bus for the field trip the next day.
She tried to get the rest of the students after me too. When Lily and I explained what had happened they all laughed along with us. She didn’t make very many friends in Paris.
Come back later for more installments of my fun times in Paris. Like the time three of us chased a beggar off the metro.
Friday, August 08, 2008
Bastille Day 1996
In 1996 I tested out of high school. I only stayed long enough to go to my senior prom, what a nightmare but that's another post. I was going to college at night and high school during the day and had been for 2 years. I was sick of school.
As a graduation gift to myself, and ostensibly to earn more college credits, I took out a student loan and spent a month in Paris. I have lots of stories to tell and lots of things I miss.
I went with a group from my local community college and lived in the dorms at La Citè. We attended classes at the Sorbonne. We all know the real reason to go there was to party like it was 1999. There were many nights where we didn't get back to the dorm until 3 or 4 in the morning. Hey! I was 17 and in a foreign country with no parental supervision. I was going to study?
We went during the month of July. I missed my favorite holiday. The 4th. But I was in Paris for Bastille Day. The 14th. Bastille Day is France's independence day. It is so called because in 1789 the French proletariat stormed the Bastille, Paris's main jail, which they felt was a symbol of the corrupt political system. It was the beginning of the French Revolution and the beginning of the downfall of the Monarchy.
The entire city shuts down and huge parties are held everywhere. Even along the banks of the Seine River that runs through the middle of Paris. My two best Paris buddies and I found ourselves along the banks of the Seine partying all night long. We danced and drank cheap French wine and ate good food and had a huge blast. One of my friends, Anastacia, was a line dancer back home in LA. She would go to cowboy bars and dance several times a week. She knew them all. The Achy Breaky, The Boot Scoot Boogy, and most importantly the Electric Slide.
Lily and I didn't know any of these dances. Stacia decided to teach us the Electric Slide since it was the easiest. So there we were, three american girls that spoke bad French at best, on the banks of the Seine river in Paris at a huge party doing the Electric Slide. We were having fun and ignoring everybody else. After about 5 minutes of us doing this constantly, the music never stopped, we started to gain an audience. People were noticing we were doing the same moves, in unison, and too the beat.
I don't remember how exactly it happened but our audienced eventually turned into students. We were teaching the young, what we thought were the cool, French how to do the Electric slide. By the end of the night we had about 200 people behind us doing the Electric slide along the banks of the Seine to European techno music. We only stopped when we were about to fall down. This was about 2 am. We'd been dancing since 4 pm.
The thing that really makes this story great is the fact that we missed the last Metro to La Citè by about 15 minutes. So we had to walk. At 2 AM. Through the middle of Paris. In our "Party Clothes". Three young, attractive, American girls walking through Paris, half-drunk, trying to find our way back home. Needless to say we found we didn't find La Citè. We DID find an all night Mickey D's and a phone book to call a cab. Which only cost us about $10.
So not a bad evening. I'm surprised I can remember most of it. come back tomorrw so i can tell you more tales of my exploits in Paris. Like the time I was walking around on the 4th story ledge of my dorm.
As a graduation gift to myself, and ostensibly to earn more college credits, I took out a student loan and spent a month in Paris. I have lots of stories to tell and lots of things I miss.
I went with a group from my local community college and lived in the dorms at La Citè. We attended classes at the Sorbonne. We all know the real reason to go there was to party like it was 1999. There were many nights where we didn't get back to the dorm until 3 or 4 in the morning. Hey! I was 17 and in a foreign country with no parental supervision. I was going to study?
We went during the month of July. I missed my favorite holiday. The 4th. But I was in Paris for Bastille Day. The 14th. Bastille Day is France's independence day. It is so called because in 1789 the French proletariat stormed the Bastille, Paris's main jail, which they felt was a symbol of the corrupt political system. It was the beginning of the French Revolution and the beginning of the downfall of the Monarchy.
The entire city shuts down and huge parties are held everywhere. Even along the banks of the Seine River that runs through the middle of Paris. My two best Paris buddies and I found ourselves along the banks of the Seine partying all night long. We danced and drank cheap French wine and ate good food and had a huge blast. One of my friends, Anastacia, was a line dancer back home in LA. She would go to cowboy bars and dance several times a week. She knew them all. The Achy Breaky, The Boot Scoot Boogy, and most importantly the Electric Slide.
Lily and I didn't know any of these dances. Stacia decided to teach us the Electric Slide since it was the easiest. So there we were, three american girls that spoke bad French at best, on the banks of the Seine river in Paris at a huge party doing the Electric Slide. We were having fun and ignoring everybody else. After about 5 minutes of us doing this constantly, the music never stopped, we started to gain an audience. People were noticing we were doing the same moves, in unison, and too the beat.
I don't remember how exactly it happened but our audienced eventually turned into students. We were teaching the young, what we thought were the cool, French how to do the Electric slide. By the end of the night we had about 200 people behind us doing the Electric slide along the banks of the Seine to European techno music. We only stopped when we were about to fall down. This was about 2 am. We'd been dancing since 4 pm.
The thing that really makes this story great is the fact that we missed the last Metro to La Citè by about 15 minutes. So we had to walk. At 2 AM. Through the middle of Paris. In our "Party Clothes". Three young, attractive, American girls walking through Paris, half-drunk, trying to find our way back home. Needless to say we found we didn't find La Citè. We DID find an all night Mickey D's and a phone book to call a cab. Which only cost us about $10.
So not a bad evening. I'm surprised I can remember most of it. come back tomorrw so i can tell you more tales of my exploits in Paris. Like the time I was walking around on the 4th story ledge of my dorm.
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
Dancing and the Martial Arts
Being a martial arts instructor I know a lot of male martial artists. While their moves in the sparring ring might be something to make you panties wet I have to say that not a one of them can dance. As evidenced by this oh so wonderful clip of Jean Claude Van Damme.
That has got to be the funniest thing I've seen from Youtube in a while.
That has got to be the funniest thing I've seen from Youtube in a while.
Monday, August 04, 2008
New Subtitle
I know! I know! This is supposed to be first and foremost a blog about my knitting. However I have found myself with less and less knitting to blog about and more and more life to blog aobut. That's why the switch around in the subtitle. Now I'm going to have to go change the category I'm in at BlogHer. Hopefully that isn't that difficult.
Meanwhile I'm plotting all the wonderful nefarious deeds I can do and stuff I can buy with my new found fame. I have a new reader! Welcome Pamela. Did you bring any friends? I hope so. If not how do you expect me to become rich and famous like Heather Armstrong? Able to live off my blog and my husbands love. Oh yeah, and my kid and two dogs, which I don't have. And the daily posting. Have to get working on that.
I am going to make you all a promise. I will post everyday before I go to bed. If I don't you can call me and ask me where my post is.
Meanwhile I'm plotting all the wonderful nefarious deeds I can do and stuff I can buy with my new found fame. I have a new reader! Welcome Pamela. Did you bring any friends? I hope so. If not how do you expect me to become rich and famous like Heather Armstrong? Able to live off my blog and my husbands love. Oh yeah, and my kid and two dogs, which I don't have. And the daily posting. Have to get working on that.
I am going to make you all a promise. I will post everyday before I go to bed. If I don't you can call me and ask me where my post is.
Friday, June 06, 2008
Yay for you, fast man.
Oh my gawd! This has got to be the funniest thing I've read in a while. I recently added the fark.com rss feed to my MyYahoo page. I was reading some posts about the new Olympic chant from China. Of course as all forums do the topic got changed to the "inequality" of modern day olympics and how they're not living up to the ideals of the olympics.
So someone asked what this poster would change and this was his response:
"Open it to many different height and weight classes. Open it to lower income athletes who might not be able to afford the training time or equipment to excel. Allow those who right now are shut out of it to be a part of it. Tone down the celebration of these people. They have not cured cancer. All the did was run fast. Yay for you, fast man."
You can find the original discussion here
Just about peed myself after reading that one.
So someone asked what this poster would change and this was his response:
"Open it to many different height and weight classes. Open it to lower income athletes who might not be able to afford the training time or equipment to excel. Allow those who right now are shut out of it to be a part of it. Tone down the celebration of these people. They have not cured cancer. All the did was run fast. Yay for you, fast man."
You can find the original discussion here
Just about peed myself after reading that one.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Oh! We're at Arby's?
OMFG that has got to be the funniest, and saddest, thing I've heard in a very long time. I was at Arby's yesterday getting lunch. I had to go inside as I've lost my voice due to an illness. The speaker for the drive through is loud enough that you can hear it no matter where you are in the store.
So, I'm at the counter ordering my food and I hear the beep of someone at the drive through. She starts to order and I'm not really paying attention to what she's saying. Then I hear the man working the window say "We don't have that here ma'am". Then there's a second of silence and I hear "Oh! We're at Arby's?" She didn't even know what restaurant she was at!!
How can you not know where you are? It's not like there aren't enough signs on the way in. She was staring at a drive through menu with all Arby's food on it. Do they have roast beef sandwiches at Burger King now?. How about Market Fresh items at McDonalds? I mean come on people we need to start paying attention to what we're doing in this world or Idiocracy won't just be a movie.
So, I'm at the counter ordering my food and I hear the beep of someone at the drive through. She starts to order and I'm not really paying attention to what she's saying. Then I hear the man working the window say "We don't have that here ma'am". Then there's a second of silence and I hear "Oh! We're at Arby's?" She didn't even know what restaurant she was at!!
How can you not know where you are? It's not like there aren't enough signs on the way in. She was staring at a drive through menu with all Arby's food on it. Do they have roast beef sandwiches at Burger King now?. How about Market Fresh items at McDonalds? I mean come on people we need to start paying attention to what we're doing in this world or Idiocracy won't just be a movie.
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