Blog Theft 101

1. Find a blog you love.
2. Steal ideas from it

It’s that simple. Granted the blog I stole this from stole it from another blog. Woo Hoo. Lots of fun.


The instructions for passing this list around the internet like a viral disease are as follows:

1. Look at the list and bold those you have read.
   
2. Italicize those you intend to read.
   
3. Underline the books you love.
   
   Abdpbt has added to these instructions the following:
   
   
4. Put in ALL CAPS the one that are also on the hypothetical list of books that Sarah Palin did not ask to have banned, but merely inquired about the theory of banning in general, a subtle and unimportant distinction.
   
5. Strike through books that should not be on the list. This might be due to the fact that you hate them, or think they are not “literary,” or just because you are being capricious today.
   
6. Color green those books that are propaganda or glorified trash. Feel justified in making these kinds of distinctions based on your status as both an ivory tower intellectual and a card carrying member of the media elite. Accuse naysayers of living in a “fly over” state. Drink organic coffee sweetened with agave nectar or stevia.
   
7. Color red those books you haven’t read but “should” have, or which you have never heard of. Offer self-effacing, anti-intellectual explanations where necessary. Talk about how much you like popular culture as diversion tactic, and to make people think that you are “quirky.” Wear glasses with dark rims.
   
8. Add books that should be on the list to the end. Take comfort in the fact that no list of this kind could ever be complete, and will always alienate someone. It is the problem with establishing canonicity. Pat self on back for using word “canonicity” outside of academic paper. Also, punch self in face for being tool.
   

She says, “Listen, it’s my website and I make the rules. So I don’t want to hear any bitching. So without any further ado, the list:”

I have edited the list to reflect my changes with the above rules except rule number 1. I’m just too lazy to go try to find a copy of that list and compare.

1. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen: I personally feel anything by this woman is useless drivel. If I want to read trashy romance novels I’ll go buy them on clearance at Big Lots for 50¢.
   
2. The Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkien
   
3. Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
   
4. The Harry Potter Series by JK Rowling: Loved every one of these books. I do reread them sometimes too. I did however get very angry with JK when Dumbledore died in book 6. Hope that didn’t ruin it for you.
   
5. To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee: Had to read it in school. Don’t really remember it though.
   
6. The Bible: I really should read this just to see what all the crazies are talking about and why they’re so fanatical about this book.
   
7. Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte
   
8. Nineteen Eighty Four by George Orwell: I find it kind of scary that under the current administration, and possibly the next, we’re moving closer and closer to this state. Orwell was right just not on the date.
   
9. His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman
   
10. Great Expectations by Charles Dickens: I’ve heard this is a really good book. I didn’t see the movie but it seems like it might be fun. I’ll let you know once I’ve read it.
    
11. Little Women by Louisa M Alcott
    
12. Tess of the D’Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy: abdpbt said this was the most depressing book she ever read until she got to one of the other books on the list. I however found it wonderful. Makes me want to keep going no matter how bad I think things have gotten just like Tess did.
    
13. Catch 22 Joseph Heller
    
14. Complete Works of Shakespeare
    
15. Rebecca by Daphne Du Maurier
    
16. The Hobbit by JRR Tolkien: Read this as a child. I’ve always loved fantasy novels. Even the trash romance novels I read now are about things that probably can’t happen. Time travel and vampires and stuff like that. Some will say that this shouldn't have it's own place on the list as it's part of the LoTR Trilogy. In fact it is not a part of the trilogy. It's a prequel. (And OH MY GOD THE HELL! How much of a geek am I that I abbreviated it LoTR?)
    
17. Birdsong by Sebastian Faulks
    
18. The Catcher in the Rye by JD Salinger: Another book I was forced to read in high school. Don’t really remember much of it though. I do know I liked it.
    
19. The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
    
20. Middlemarch by George Eliot
    
21. Gone With The Wind by Margaret Mitchell: hated the movie, and I know everyone always says the books better but I don’t think I can make myself care about such a spoiled rotten brat as Scarlett.
    
22. The Great Gatsby by F Scott Fitzgerald: Don’t really know what this one is about but I do know that there’s always a lot of hype surrounding it.
    
23. Bleak House by Charles Dickens
    
24. War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy: This is one of those books you just have to read at least once in your life.
    
25. The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams: Loved the movie, hope the books better.
    
26. Brideshead Revisited by Evelyn Waugh
    
27. Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky: Another one of those books you have to read.
    
28. Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck: I like the other Steinbeck work I’ve read so I’m hoping this is good as well. I think I may have read this in high school but I don’t remember.
    
29. Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll: Loved the Disney movie as a child and didn’t realize quite how different they make things.
    
30. The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Grahame: Love Mr. Toad’s wild ride and like books with anthropomorphized animals.
    
31. Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy
    
32. David Copperfield by Charles Dickens: This is one of those books I SHOULD read but probably never will.
    
33. Chronicles of Narnia by CS Lewis: Anthropomorphized animals. What more is there to say?
    
34. Emma by Jane Austen: See number 1
    
35. Persuasion by Jane Austen: See number 1
    
36. The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe by CS Lewis: See number 33
    
37. The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini: I’ve heard of this book and heard good things about this book. So eh? Why not?
    
38. Captain Corelli’s Mandolin by Louis De Bernieres
    
39. Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden: Another one where I loved the movie and hope the books better.
    
40. Winnie the Pooh by AA Milne: Who hasn’t read Winnie the Pooh? If you haven’t there must be something wrong with you.
    
41. Animal Farm by George OrwellMore anthropomorphized animals, and this one has a message.
    
42. The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown: I read it because of all the hype surrounding the movie. It wasn’t as good as I had hoped but it was better than the movie.
    
43. One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
    
44. A Prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving
    
45. The Woman in White by Wilkie Collins
    
46. Anne of Green Gables by LM Montgomery: I read this as a preteen and thought it was boring. I still think it’s boring.
    
47. Far From The Madding Crowd by Thomas Hardy: I like his other work and therefore will hopefully like this one too.
    
48. The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood.
    
49. Lord of the Flies by William Golding: Another one of them required books.
    
50. Atonement by Ian McEwan
    
51. Life of Pi by Yann Martel
    
52. Dune by Frank Herbert: I liked the movies and this is another that I hope will be better.
    
53. Cold Comfort Farm by Stella Gibbons
    
54. Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen: See number 1
    
55. A Suitable Boy by Vikram Seth
    
56. The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon
    
57. A Tale Of Two Cities by Charles Dickens: I’ve heard Dickens is boring. I’ve been told a very verbose person. However if I can get through Hugo I could probably get through Dickens.
    
58. Brave New World by Aldous Huxley: It’s another one of those future doom and gloom books but still there’s hope.
    
59. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time by Mark Haddon
    
60. Love In The Time Of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
    
61. Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck: Yet another required read. However this one I enjoyed.
    
62. Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov: I’ve heard the story outline but never actually read the book.
    
63. The Secret History by Donna Tartt
    
64. The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold: This want to read is based on comments other’s have left regarding this book.
    
65. Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas: I’m just not one for prison stories. I know it’s supposed to be a great story but thbbpt is kind of how I feel about it.
    
66. On The Road by Jack Kerouac: I don’t really have anything to say about this one I just don’t think I’ll ever read it.
    
67. Jude the Obscure by Thomas Hardy: Another one of those that I think I might like because of my like of his other works.
    
68. Bridget Jones’s Diary by Helen Fielding: Hated the movies would probably hate the books. I mean I have enough blogs to read already. I don’t want to add another.
    
69. Midnight’s Children by Salman Rushdie
    
70. Moby Dick by Herman Melville.
    
71. Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens: I like the musical that was adapted from this perhaps I’d like the book.
    
72. Dracula by Bram Stoker: I’ve read lots of vampire stories. I usually like them all. This one was a fun twist on the usual story.
    
73. The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett: I know I’ve read this but can’t for the life of me remember anything about it. Which means I was either really young or it really sucked.
    
74. Notes From A Small Island by Bill Bryson
    
75. Ulysses by James Joyce
    
76. The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath: This is one of those woman books. Right? Something every woman should read. Right? At least that’s what I remember hearing about it.
    
77. Swallows and Amazons by Arthur Ransome
    
78. Germinal by Emile Zola
    
79. Vanity Fair by William Makepeace Thackeray: The plot of this book seems incredibly boring. I’m not really interested in intrigues and plots to get the dying aunts money and other such drivel.
    
80. Possession by AS Byatt
    
81. A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens: Who doesn’t remember humbugs come x-mas time?
    
82. Cloud Atlas by David Mitchell
    
83. The Color Purple by Alice Walker: I know Oprah was in a movie of this once. Or was in Whoopie. Shit I can’t remember and I’m not going to take the time to look it up.
    
84. The Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro: If this is the one they made the movie out of never never never going to read it. The movie almost put me to sleep it was so boring. And since most of my reading is done in bed I’m pretty sure the book WOULD put me to sleep.
    
85. Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert
    
86. A Fine Balance by Rohinton Mistry
    
87. Charlotte’s Web by EB White: Loved this book as a child. We need more PEOPLE like Charlotte in this world. Willing to go out of their way to help others.
    
88. The Five People You Meet In Heaven by Mitch Albom: How does this person know who I’m going to meet in heaven? Or even if that’s where I’m going? I mean come on. Did he die? Did he go to heaven? I know if I went to heaven I don’t think I’d ask to come back to write a book about who I met there.
    
89. Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle: This is bolded and italicized because I’ve read some of them and need to read the rest.
    
90. The Faraway Tree Collection by Enid Blyton
    
91. Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad: I just like the title. Sound all dark and dangerous. It probably isn’t though.
    
92. The Little Prince by Antoine De Saint-Exupery: Read in the original French. Over the course of several months with my French-English dictionary next to me. I never was a good French student.
    
93. The Wasp Factory by Iain Banks
    
94. Watership Down by Richard Adams: All I remember is something to do with rabbits. Not sure if that was in the story or if it was just the picture on the cover. But I definitely remember rabbits.
    
95. A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole
    
96. A Town Like Alice by Nevil Shute
    
97. The Three Musketeers by Alexandre Dumas: I’ve heard lots of things about the musketeers and what they did, what they stood for and all that I should probably read what all the fuss is about and really learn what Dumas thought they should be.
    
98. Hamlet by William Shakespeare: Another one of those required reads in high school. And oddly enough one that I really did like. I know I said earlier that I didn’t care for intrigues and trying to get what you don’t really deserve but hey it’s Shakespeare.
    
99. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl
    
100. Les Miserables by Victor Hugo: The first time I read this, yes first time I have read it more than once, it was hard to get through. Damned Hugo and making the first 6 chapters about the history of what’s going on at the time.
     
     
     Books added by abdpbt:
     
     
     
101. The Moor’s Last Sigh by Salman Rushdie.
     
102. White Teeth by Zadie Smith.
     
103. Tom Jones by Henry Fielding.
     
104. Geek Love by Kathryn Dunn.
     
105. Blindness by Jose Saramago.
     
106. The Corrections by Jonathan Frantzen.
     
107. Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides
     
108. A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers.
     
109. Fury by Salman Rushdie.
     
110. Interpreter of Maladies by Jhumpa Lahiri.
     
111. The Monk by Mathew Lewis.
     
     
     Books I would add:
     
     
     
112. The Hunchback of Notre Dame By Victor Hugo
     
113. The Sword of Truth Series by Terry Goodkind
     
114. The Complete Works of E.A. Poe
     
115. L’Etranger (The Stranger) by Albert Camus
     
116. The Jungle by Upton Sinclair
     
117. Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
     
118. Something Wicked This Way Comes By Ray Bradbury
     
119. The Foundation Series by Isaac Asimov
     
120. Slaughterhouse 5 by Kurt Vonegut
     
121. Siddhartha by Herman Hesse
     

Yes I have read all the books in my additions. Yes I liked them all. 113 is actually 8 or 9 books and 119 is at least 3, probably more.


As far as the books on the original list are concerned I have only read a quarter of them. Not great but still much better than abdpbt’s assertion that most people have only read 6 of the books.


So what would your list include?

Was Hitler a Great Leader?

This is becoming a trend for me. Getting my blogging ideas from Dooce's comments. I just can't help myself. The people that post to her comments are usually the funniest people in the world.

Yesterday she opened herself up to more hate asking for discussion. She posted a video clip of Republican VP Candidate Palin and asked why people were still so in love with her. One of the comments left was this, in regards to Democratic Pres Candidate Obama.

"Hitler was a great speaker, did that make him a good leader?

I think it's scary to have such a smooth talker in office. I'm not saying he's Hitler, but who knows. And I admit I like listening to Obama speak. But he gets away with saying some shit because he's so smooth...I don't care for that kind of pull."

This got me to thinking. I know I'm going to offend some people out there in the Interwebs with this post but hey that's why I love having a blog. I can write whatever I want and don't have to care who I piss off.

Mirriam Webster defines the word leader as:

" a person who leads: as a: guide , conductor b (1): a person who directs a military force or unit (2): a person who has commanding authority or influence"

By that definition Hitler was not just a good leader. He was a fucking phenomenal leader. His countrymen loved him, as evidenced by the atrocities they committed for him. He gave his people what they needed at the time. Which is what made him so powerful.

Granted he united his people with hate and did horrible things to people that didn't deserve it. He was still a great leader. While his country was in turmoil and being bombarded from all sides by those opposed to what he was doing he still managed to keep control and had a huge army at his command. While I don't like the things he with his "leadership" I do have to say that the man was and great leader.

Censorship

I usually try to stay out of the policital debates. That's not what I wanted my blog to be about. I wanted it to be about light and funny things. And I guess what I'm about to say isn't really a political debate, more of a debate/rant on censorship and the 1st Amendment.

I have tried to post openly and honestly about what I think and feel in life. I have always tried not to alienate anyone from reading my blog. We all know there aren't very many of you. I have censored myself with regards to certain aspects of my life. However, I have to open my mouth about what is going on in the comments of my favorite blog to read.

Heather Armstrong writes and publishes Dooce.com. Almost always her posts are light and funny posts about her husband, child, or dogs. Every once in a while she'll get a bug up her butt and post about something important to her. Kind of like the bug I get up my butt every once in a while.

Today she, in my opinion, tactfully posted her feelings about the speech given by Republican VP candidate Palin. She posted a link to an AP article explaining how some of the things said in the speech were incorrect. She left this post open to comments. She usually closes comments on all of her posts. She has gotten tired of the hate spewed her way.

I can't begin to fathom why she left them open this time. I don't know her personally, although I do feel a certain amount of closeness with this woman who has opened her home and life to the world. I can only guess that it was because she wanted people to get together and actually TALK about what's going on in this election.

What I found somewhat disturbing was the amount of people telling her that she never should have posted about this. That she should have kept her mouth shut and posted about what she knew best. That a mommyblog was no place for politics. What are they thinking? This is America that she lives in and we have the 1st Amendment.

IT'S HER BLOG. sHE CAN POST WHATEVER SHE DAMN WELL PLEASES AND YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO TAKE THAT AWAY FROM HER. We are granted a certain amount of freedom of speech by the 1st Amendment. I know that freedom comes with responsibilty. I do not believe that she was being irresponsible in her post.

Although I don't agree with ALL of what she said I do agree with a lot of what she said. Whether or not I agree with her comments however has nothing to do with her ability or right to post them. It's her point of view on this issue.

Neither am I saying that the people that told her to shut up should not have been allowed to post. They could have, as some did, simply stopped reading the blog. If you don't like something that you can't control you stop subjecting yourself to it. If you can control it then by all means try to change it. To publicly attack someone the comments of thier blog and tell them that their stupid or don't know what they're talking about is, to me, akin to going into someone's living room and saying those things to their face. It's like the cyber bullying commercials, don't know if you have them where you live, but "If you wouldn't say it to someone's face why would you say it online?"

What someone else posts on their blog is none of my business. If I don't like it I don't read it. It's not like she's in these people's homes with guns to their heads forcing them to read her blog or look at pictures of her dogs. I know she lives within 25 miles of me but I'm not afraid she'll come over and "pay me a visit" if I don't read her blog on a daily basis.

So what the fuck is wrong with people that they think it's okay to tell her what she can and can't say on her own damn blog? Have we become so self-centered in this country that we can't accept that there are other people out there? That they might think differently than we do? That they have the right to think differently? That that is what actually makes this country great?

Soemtimes I get so fed up with the pettiness in the world.

Constipation Studies

So I'm driving to my studio this morning listening to the local oldies radio station. I hear a commercial for Lifetree Clinical Research. They're doing a study on constipation. Specifically on opiate narcotics and the effects on bowel mobility. The commercial wasn't clear on that point.

I've had constipation problems since I was a baby. My mom said the first time I had a solid movement it scared her because it was bigger than what she could do. Since then it hasn't gotten better. I'll go three or four days sometimes between movements if I don't take a laxative or get enough fiber in my diet; and I start getting nauseous after eating towards the end of that time.

When those blessed days come I can spend as much as 30 minutes on the toilet. I don't try to rush things. Just let them happen naturally. This is learned after one time trying to rush it and tearing myself. Not good.

So I call the number and I start talking to this lady who's accepting applications at the research center.

Me: "I'm calling about the constipation study."

Her: "Oh Great! You have constipation?"

Me: "Since I was a baby. Scared my mom once when I was still in diapers."

Her actually sounding like she really cares: "Oh my you poor thing. Well let me ask. Are you taking opiates?"

Me: "No. Is that what you're looking for? People taking opiate narcotics?"

Her: "Yes. Well...hold on a second let me check something really quick."

Hold Music

Her: "Are you still there?"

Me: "Yes"

Her: "We're not looking for control subjects at this time. But you know you can look online for other places that might be doing research that can help you." In her most concerned voice, "I'm so sorry we couldn't help you."

I just about pissed myself laughiong at that, after hanging up of course. She really felt bad that I can't shit on a regular basis. Or at least she sounded like she cared. She takes her job a little too seriously.

Questions?

Why do non-funny people even try to be funny? It's just sad really.

Questions?

Why does a hangnail or paper cut hurt so goddamn bad? I think I'd rather cut my finger off.

Questions?

Why do adult children torture themselves with week long "vacations" driving their parents around Texas and Oklahoma?

Knitting Nightmare #2

The evil that is Fun Fur should be blasted off the face of the planet. As well as the person that invented it.

When I was still living with my mom my niece came to visit for Christmas. She saw me knitting and decided that she wanted to learn. So we went to the local Wal-Mart and bought cheap yarn and needles so she could learn how to knit. I didn’t want to let her use my expensive bamboo or wool. She decided that she wanted a bright blue fun fur. I tried to dissuade her and get some nice smooth light acrylic yarn. She poo poo’d that idea. So we get the fun fur and some size 10.5 needles.

We take it all back to the house and I try to teach her to knit by having her sit in my lap so she can see exactly what I’m doing and copy the movements. She gave up on the fun fur so I handed her some nice smooth light acrylic yarn. After about 3 minutes of this she gives up and says she can’t do it. I keep trying to get her to knit and she keeps saying she can’t. I eventually give up.

I still have this bright blue fun fur however and no idea what to do with it. She decides that she wants the little kerchief pattern on the ball band. So I cast on my one stitch and start the painful task of making a neck kerchief with a KFB of the first stitch on each row.

I hated this after the about the 3rd row and wanted to throw it away. However I had promised my niece that I would make her this damned kerchief and so I would finish it. It took me about 3 years. There were several times where I would pick it up thinking it won’t take me long to finish then I can be done with it. Those periods only lasted about 10 minutes before I became disgusted. Then I would throw it back in my bag cursing the evil that is Fun Fur. The periods in my bag lasted much longer than 10 minutes.

It’s done. I’ve bound off. I still have to weave in the ends and mail it to her though. Not sure if she even still wants it. It’s been so long since she said she did. Maybe I’ll give it to my local animal shelter for some cat to snuggle with. It’s not really good for much else.

Questions?

Why do the firemen always eat at the pizza place down the strip from me? Not that I'm complaining. They're not bad to look at, but you'd think they'd try to eat something a little more healthy than pizza.

Breaking In

In case you’re new here I spent a month in Paris when I was 17. It was a graduation gift to me; and Uncle Sam. We went with a local Community College as a group of about 30 people. We stayed in the dorms at La Citè.

My room was on the troisième floor, which in America would actually be the 4th floor not the 3rd. The first floor is 0 in France and most of Europe for some strange reason. This was also the top floor of the dorm. My room was in the corner of the building by the street which meant that I could look out my window and see a beautiful park.

The windows in these rooms opened inward and had very deep sills. I spent quite a bit of time sitting in my window doing my homework. The buildings were old enough that they had large stone ledges around the outside of the building. Being on the top floor the roof sloped away pretty quickly from the ledge. I also spent time standing on the ledge and leaning against the roof.

I was hanging out with my friend Lily one day when it started to get late. We had class the next day and decided to call it a night. Lily had apparently forgotten her key. Her roommate was already asleep and wouldn’t wake up to the knocking on the door, or the ringing of the phone.

We looked out one of my rooms windows and saw that her roommate had left the window open. There was no AC in this building. Having been in the rock climbing club in High School I have no fear of heights or hanging onto stone with my bare hands.

Since her bedroom window was open I decided to walk along the ledge outside the building to get into her window and let her into her room. Needless to say when I jumped down inside her dorm room her roommate woke up. Pounding on the door? No. Screaming telephone? No. 17 year old girl landing in her room? YES!

She wasn’t very happy. She started screaming at me to “Get out!!” I tried to calm her down by letting her know who I was but that just seemed to make her even angrier. She actually got out of bed and started chasing me towards the door.

Meanwhile Lily is waiting out in the hall for me to open the door. When I finally get there to open it she has this huge smile on her face, like she’s trying very hard not to laugh. I’m sure had I seen a mirror I would have seen the same expression on my face.

We both laughed our asses off about it the next day. Thought it was the funniest thing on the trip so far. This was about one week in. There was a lot more hilarity after this.

Our teacher from the states, who grew up in Paris and wasn’t staying at the dorms, came to talk to me the next day. Tried to yell at me and tell me he was going to send me home early. When I explained the situation and what we had tried first he changed his mind. This woman, whose name escapes me, was less than pleased to see me on the bus for the field trip the next day.

She tried to get the rest of the students after me too. When Lily and I explained what had happened they all laughed along with us. She didn’t make very many friends in Paris.

Come back later for more installments of my fun times in Paris. Like the time three of us chased a beggar off the metro.

Questions?

When will the hot go away?

Knitting Nightmares #1

When I first learned to knit I taught myself. It was prescribed as physical therapy after having a cystotomy in my wrist. After just a couple of months I was back to full flexibility, able to touch my thumb to my forearm.

I learned to knit by watching Knitty Gritty on the DIY Network. Apparently I didn’t watch close enough. For the first 6 months of my knitting career I was always knitting through the back loop. I was apparently also wrapping the yarn backwards when purling. So you’d think that with the twisting of the knitting and the twisting of the purling they’d cancel each other out. But noooo, not the way it works.

I couldn’t figure out why my knitting was so damned tight. My fabrics didn’t move the way they were supposed to. They just sat there like hard little lumps. Like some sort of cyst. See what happens when you try to do something for yourself? I was about to give up then I found my LYS and a very helpful women.

She told me about her beginner’s knitting class and it wasn’t until I took that class that I realized what I was doing. Even then it took the instructor looking at my knitting to tell me. I still have that little bright pink baby sweater. With the first half of the back with twisted stitches. I’m such a perfectionist that if I did it now I’d rip it out and start over. However it was my first ever piece of knitted clothing and it will stay with twisted stitches forever, and probably unseamed as well.

Questions?

Said in the voice of a 5 year old. "Intraweb...Can I ask you a question?...Can I have a hug?"

Bastille Day 1996

In 1996 I tested out of high school. I only stayed long enough to go to my senior prom, what a nightmare but that's another post. I was going to college at night and high school during the day and had been for 2 years. I was sick of school.

As a graduation gift to myself, and ostensibly to earn more college credits, I took out a student loan and spent a month in Paris. I have lots of stories to tell and lots of things I miss.

I went with a group from my local community college and lived in the dorms at La Citè. We attended classes at the Sorbonne. We all know the real reason to go there was to party like it was 1999. There were many nights where we didn't get back to the dorm until 3 or 4 in the morning. Hey! I was 17 and in a foreign country with no parental supervision. I was going to study?

We went during the month of July. I missed my favorite holiday. The 4th. But I was in Paris for Bastille Day. The 14th. Bastille Day is France's independence day. It is so called because in 1789 the French proletariat stormed the Bastille, Paris's main jail, which they felt was a symbol of the corrupt political system. It was the beginning of the French Revolution and the beginning of the downfall of the Monarchy.

The entire city shuts down and huge parties are held everywhere. Even along the banks of the Seine River that runs through the middle of Paris. My two best Paris buddies and I found ourselves along the banks of the Seine partying all night long. We danced and drank cheap French wine and ate good food and had a huge blast. One of my friends, Anastacia, was a line dancer back home in LA. She would go to cowboy bars and dance several times a week. She knew them all. The Achy Breaky, The Boot Scoot Boogy, and most importantly the Electric Slide.

Lily and I didn't know any of these dances. Stacia decided to teach us the Electric Slide since it was the easiest. So there we were, three american girls that spoke bad French at best, on the banks of the Seine river in Paris at a huge party doing the Electric Slide. We were having fun and ignoring everybody else. After about 5 minutes of us doing this constantly, the music never stopped, we started to gain an audience. People were noticing we were doing the same moves, in unison, and too the beat.

I don't remember how exactly it happened but our audienced eventually turned into students. We were teaching the young, what we thought were the cool, French how to do the Electric slide. By the end of the night we had about 200 people behind us doing the Electric slide along the banks of the Seine to European techno music. We only stopped when we were about to fall down. This was about 2 am. We'd been dancing since 4 pm.

The thing that really makes this story great is the fact that we missed the last Metro to La Citè by about 15 minutes. So we had to walk. At 2 AM. Through the middle of Paris. In our "Party Clothes". Three young, attractive, American girls walking through Paris, half-drunk, trying to find our way back home. Needless to say we found we didn't find La Citè. We DID find an all night Mickey D's and a phone book to call a cab. Which only cost us about $10.

So not a bad evening. I'm surprised I can remember most of it. come back tomorrw so i can tell you more tales of my exploits in Paris. Like the time I was walking around on the 4th story ledge of my dorm.

Questions?

Why do they put the ashtrays at 7-11's right by the propane exchange tanks? For that matter why do they even have ashtrays at gas stations? It's almost like they're encouraging you to smoke and blow up the corner.

Questions?

Does laughing at someone else's misfortune make you a bad person?

Highlander

I just watched Highlander again last night. Haven't watched it in a long time and thought it might be fun. I wasn't right. Oh. My. Fucking. God. There was alot of sword fighting. Like 75% of the movie.

I know. It's a movie about a bunch of men trying to cut each other's head's off. Of course there's going to be sword fights, but can't we have a little bit more story.

AND. What did I ever see in Christopher Lambert? The scenes where he's in a kilt with the long hair and clean shaven not too shabby. But the scenes in the 80's where he hasn't shaved in a week and his hairs a mess and he just basically looks dirty. Blech!

Now Sean Connery on the other hand. I still fuck him given the chance. I know he's old enough to be my grandfather and all that. I just want to hear him whispering my name in my ear in that oh so wonderful accent of his. Getting "happy" just thinking about it.

Questions?

Why doesn't Utah weather make up it's mind?

Pink Scarf

Back in January I made a comment about some yarn being repurposed from one project to another. I said that would be a story for my other blog. Well since there is no longer an "other blog" I've decided to post it here.

When I was working for one of the world's largest hotel chains in their reservation center I made a friend. We had some past in common. We both worked in the complaint department. We had both been in Guest Relations for Disney. Me in Cali her in Florida. We were both comfortable with ourselves as far as our sexuality was concerned. Or so I thought.

We were constantly "flirting". Blowing each other kisses. Smacking each other on the ass. Groping each other. Granted all of this was out in the parking lot, the break room, or at each other's houses. Never on the call floor where others might be offended and get us in trouble for sexual harassment. The kind of stuff women do that their men hope would go further but never does. We were friends. I taught her how to knit.

One day when I was at a LYS they had a bunch of balls of different textured pink yarn in their dollar basket. I bought them thinking to make her a fun fashion scarf. Shortly after purchasing the yarn she was moved laterally from Guest Relations to a department that made reservations direclty for the hotels when they had groups coming in. After that happened she all of a sudden thought she was better than anyone else there. I didn't quite realise the change in her until it was too late.

One day I was walking past her on my way back to my desk after a smoke break, I used to smoke but quit just over a year ago. As per our established pattern I smacked her on the ass on the way by. She said nothing. Just ignored it and we both went about our days. A few days later I get called over to my supervisors desk to find out that she had made a sexual harassment claim against me. I was needless to say very angry. It was something mutual that SHE STARTED. I was just going along with it. It didn't bother me in the slightest as I am secure in my sexuality.

Nothing ever came of the claim as I explained the back story to my supervisor and he basically ignored it. What really pissed me off is that she didn't even have the balls to come to me and say somthing like, "I realize that this is something that we used to do in the past but I am no longer comfortable with the situation and would prefer if it wouldn't happen again." Granted I would have been confused but I would have said okay and that would have been the end of it. The fact that she went to my supervisor and bitched only made me lose all respect for her. Never spoke to her again after that and boy am I glad I'm out of that hell hole of a job.

Dancing and the Martial Arts

Being a martial arts instructor I know a lot of male martial artists. While their moves in the sparring ring might be something to make you panties wet I have to say that not a one of them can dance. As evidenced by this oh so wonderful clip of Jean Claude Van Damme.



That has got to be the funniest thing I've seen from Youtube in a while.