32 Wierd names found while trolling MySpace

Okay so I joined the dark side and have a myspace page. Mostly as a way to keep in touch with friends who wont do it any other way.

While I was "browsing" for friends the other night I ran across some rather interesting and funny profile names. Here they are in no particular order

1. WHAT THE FRENCH TOAST!!!!!!! - Yes there really were 7 exclamation points I counted.
   
2. king ding a ling!!!!
   
3. ♠Something like a pimp♠ - This on a females profile
   
4. JaggedlyMajestic - I didn't see anything majestic about this person on her profile
   
5. Cudworth - I don't know if I'd advertise being worthy of being cow vomit
   
6. NAME TAKEN - Pretty damn original, ranks right up there with making your password iforgot
   
7. The Borough Creep - Looked pretty creepy in his profile pic
   
8. Green Eyed Dork ^.^ - At least she's honest about what she is
   
9. Boof Queen - What the hell is a boof and why would you want to be the queen of them
   
10. The Love Burrito ♥ - The Love Burrito? Oh come on you couldn't come up with anything better than this?
    
11. That One Girl - You know! That one that we saw at the thing!
    
12. Res Ipsa Loquitor - How many people out there really know what this means (See here if you're one of those that doesn't know.)
    
13. I changed my name to "His" chick - Who is he and why does he own you?
    
14. Dream Seller - Ooh! I'll take a nice wet dream please.
    
15. Hottie Mc.Awesome - She looks like she's about 12 in her pic
    
16. Curlytoes - Why do we need to know this? Really I would have been happier with Hangstotheleft
    
17. dont wear skinny jeans cause my knot$ dont fit - Rly? They dont? r u sur? Have you tryd l8ly?
    
18. Punctuation, is? fun! - Only when used correctly sweetheart.
    
19. Cheezy McCheeselson from Cheesleton - How cheesy.
    
20. Take My Magic Marker and Blacked Your Left Lung - How do you propose I do this? Should I smoke it? Should I just try inhaling without lighting it? Or should I cut myself open and color on my lung?
    
21. SEALED BENEATH THE SURFACE - Of what? Two week old pudding? Or are you trying to be all deep and emotional and you mean the real you is sealed beneath the surface you show the world?
    
22. I'll Take The Rapist's For 200 - Really that's all you're worth?
    
23. i make airplane noises when i swing - I'm sure all the men appreciate it.
    
24. Ms. I Stay Fresh Like I'm Wrapped In Plastic - Wow that's a lot of last names. Must have been hard finding the husbands in the right order
    
25. friend genetic vibes meet become urn friend - Ummmm, yeah.
    
26. Mr Im doin me - Well thank you for sharing but you really should keep that to yourself unless you plan on charging people to watch.
    
27. Are you Serious??? - Why yes I am. Thank you for asking
    
28. eloquent delinquent - Okay just wierd
    
29. Don Tomato - Are your goons named potato and butternut?
    
30. KILLER POTATO ™ lovez FRANCE - Glad to know that potatoes love France. Especially killer potatoes
    
31. Mumble Bee - Great so you buzz and don't enunciate. Must make talking to you really difficult
    
32. C to the Lo - Okay but who's going to C to the Hi?
    

There would have been more but I got bored looking for more. It wasn't fun anymore. So there you go.

Bitching vs. Complaining

This is primarily a rant. If you don't want to read me bitching then skip this post. If you want to know what made me angry enough to post then read on.

A former instructor of mine always used to say, "Don't bitch, complain." What he meant by that was if you had a problem with someone or something don't whine about it to the people that can't do anything about it. Talk to the people that can. Most people don't want to hear you moan and groan about something if they can't fix it. If you're just ranting that's one thing, but if you're asking for advice then you're usually talking to the wrong person.

I was recently told by a friend that someone we both know had been talking about me. She felt awkward being put in this situation because she is friends with both of us and didn't want to hurt either friendship. She felt that she needed to defend me but was afraid to because she didn't know what this other person would think. She also only had one side of the story.

Why is it that when people have a problem with someone they don't talk to that person? I mean if I had a problem with my brother I wouldn't go talk to my mom. I'd talk to my brother. Seems like the right thing to do. Or am I wrong?

If you have a roommate that's not paying rent, or eating all your food, or leaving trash everywhere you tell them. You don't go whine to someone that's not involved in the situation and say you're angry, and then act like everything is okay when you see your roommate. That's not fair to either of you and the situation will never get better.

You can't fix something if you don't know it's broken.

[polldaddy poll=1077072]

13 Books I've Read

I'm at a loss for what to list today. I guess my life is pretty boring. Not much goes on that I find cool enough to blog about. So I'm going to start with item number one on my list of lists. Things I have made.

Or at least I was going to until I scrolled down a little bit and saw that I have already done that list. So on to number two. Books I have read. This is by no means an exhaustive list. There isn't enough time in the world or enough space on the hard drive I call a brain for that list. This is just a list of 13 of the one's I remember reading and remember liking.

1. Hunchback of Notre Dame by Victor Hugo
   
2. Les Miserables by Victor Hugo
   
3. Tess of the D'Ubervilles by Thomas Hardy
   
4. 1984 by George Orwell
   
5. Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
   
6. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
   
7. L'Etranger by Albert Camus
   
8. Beneath a Mountain Moon by Silver Ravenwolf
   
9. The Sword of Truth Series by Terry Goodkind
   
10. The Lord of the Ring's Trilogy by J.R.R. Tolkein
    
11. The Harry Potter Series by J.K. Rowling
    
12. Zen in the Martial Arts by Joe Hyams
    
13. Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
    

Sooooo Shiny...

Must have. Can't Knit until I have. Please, oh please, oh please somebody love me enough to buy these for me.

11 Things found while doing yard work

So it's list day again. Yeah go list day! We were specifically asked to make lists that weren't useful. So here you go.

Our city is paying to put large dumpsters on the streets for about a week at a time for neighborhood beautification. In preparation we cleaned up all the trash and stuff lying around the back yard today. Shit that has been accumulating for years before I moved into my current residence.

1. a rusted out bed frame
   
2. shit loads of Styrofoam
   
3. lots and lots of cans (beer and soda)
   
4. like 4 hoses (who needs more than one?)
   
5. dead soccer balls
   
6. buckets
   
7. old interior doors
   
8. rail road ties
   
9. lighters
   
10. empty cigarette packs
    
11. candy wrappers
    

What my taste in Art says about me...supposedly

I found the What your taste in art says about you test on my friends blog. This is what it said.

Your result for What Your Taste in Art Says About You Test...

Conscientious, Fulfilled, and Spiritual

28 Renaissance, 5 Islamic, 27 Ukiyo-e, -32 Cubist, -38 Abstract and 0 Impressionist!

The Renaissance was a cultural movement that profoundly affected European intellectual life. Beginning in Italy, and spreading to the rest of Europe by the 16th century, its influence affected literature, philosopy, religion, art, politics, science, and all other aspects of intellectual enquiry. Renaissance artists looked at the human aspect of life in their art. They did not reject religion but tended to look at it in it's purest form to create visions they thought depicted the ideals of religion. Painters of this time had their own style and created works based on morality, religion, and human nature. Many of the paintings depicted what they believed to be the corrupt nature of man.

People that like Renaissance paintings like things that are more challenging. They tend to have a high emotional stability. They also tend to be more concientious then average. They have a basic understanding of human nature and therefore are not easily surprised by anything that people may do. They enjoy life and enjoy living. They are very aware of their own mortality but do not dwell on the end but what they are doing in the present. They enjoy learning, but may tend to be a bit more closed minded to new ideas as they feel that the viewpoint they have has been well researched and considered. These people are more old fashioned and not quite as progressive. They enjoy the finer things in life like comfort, a good meal, and homelife. They tend to be more spiritual or religious by nature. They are open to new aesthetic experiences.

Take What Your Taste in Art Says About You Test at HelloQuizzy

Except for the being emotionally stable part I think it's pretty accurate. Go take your own test and see what some random images say about you.

15 Names List

Found this the other night while listening to Flogging Molly and reading random knitting blogs. It's my list of names. Enjoy and create your own.

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet & current car): Charlie Saturn

2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (fave ice cream flavor, favorite cookie):Vanilla Snicker Doodle

3. YOUR “FLY Guy/Girl” NAME: (first initial of first name, first three letters of your last name): K-Cha

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal): Purple Cat

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born): Joy La Mirada

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first): Chaka

7. SUPERHERO NAME: (”The” + 2nd favorite color, favorite drink): The Green Diet Pepsi

8. NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers): Chuck Donald

9. STRIPPER NAME: ( the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy): Red Special Dark

10. WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother’s & father’s middle names ): Jean Dean

11. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME: (Your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter): Perry Pittsburgh

12. SPY NAME: (your favorite season/holiday, flower): Winter Iris

13. CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now + “ie” or “y”): Strawberry Sockie

14. HIPPY NAME: (What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree): Nothing Willow

15. YOUR ROCK STAR TOUR NAME: (”The” + Your fave hobby/craft, fave weather element + “Tour”): The Knitting Snow Tour

Close Mindedness

I don't live in California anymore. I grew up there and even helped on the gubernatorial recall campaign that put Arnold in office. California is supposed to be the land of the crazy left wing liberals. At least that's what everyone says about it. Let me 'splain why this matters.

I recently got a new part time job to help pay the bills. It's for a company that does outbound survey's for everything from coffee to politics. With the elections only weeks away of course most of the surveys are about those.

I was tasked with calling people in California last night and asking them a series of questions about the upcoming elections. The first question was, "Tell me, in your own words, what is the MOST IMPORTANT Issue facing your community today."

Most of the responses were boring. Mundane crime and economy answers. One lady really pissed me off though and it was difficult for me to finish the rest of the survey. Her response was "Prop 8." Of course we are asked to probe for clarification, and I had no idea what Prop 8 was. When I asked her what it was about Prop 8 that concerned her she responded with, "That marriage is between a man and a woman. That my nieces and nephews will go to school and they'll teach them that it's okay to marry their same sex."

We're asked to continue questioning them until they say something along the lines of "That's all." Needless to say if my supervisors were listening to that call I would have been marked down on tone of voice and not probing enough. After that response I wanted to get her off the phone as quickly as possible.

How can people be so close minded to think that two people that love each other shouldn't be allowed to share that love in marriage? Whether it's two men, two women, or a man and a woman. Just because I don't find other women sexually attractive doesn't mean that I have the right to make sure that other women out there can't either. I don't care what you do in your bedroom just don't bring me into it, and I wont bring you into mine.

How hard is it to keep our noses out of each others business? I don't quite understand all these people that go about saying that they're trying to help us by taking our liberties away. Anti-Abortionists and Anti-Gay Marriage are the two biggest ones. Who the fuck are you to tell me what I can and can't do with my body? And who the fuck am I to tell you what you can and can't do with your body? It's ridiculous.

1 Candidate I CAN Get Behind

Dolores for President!

100 Chart Toppers the Year I Tested Out of HS

Apparently Monday is LIST DAY. I was going to make Friday list day here, but noooooo. Miss abdpbt says that Monday's have to be list day. So fine! Here's my Monday list.

I was reading another blog recently. I can't remember which one it was and I can't remember where I found the list but here it is. The idea is that you go to this website, no I can't remember the address didn't I just tell you that, and find the list of 100 chart toppers the year you graduated from high school. Then you go through and bold the one's you liked. I have added comments on those bolded.

1. Macarena (Bayside Boys Mix), Los Del Rio
   
2. One Sweet Day, Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men
   
3. Because You Loved Me, Celine Dion: Yeah I know sappy schlock, but I liked it.
   
4. Nobody Knows, Tony Rich Project
   
5. Always Be My Baby, Mariah Carey
   
6. Give Me One Reason, Tracy Chapman: How can I not like a song by someone with the same last name as me. Seriously I really do like this song. Probably one of like 3 songs by Tracy that I actually like.
   
7. Tha Crossroads, Bone Thugs-N-Harmony
   
8. I Love You Always Forever, Donna Lewis
   
9. You're Makin' Me High/Let It Flow, Toni Braxton
   
10. Twisted, Keith Sweat
    
11. C'mon N' Ride It (The Train), Quad City Dj's: You're probably thinking by now that this girl has no taste. She liked this song? What's wrong with her? I didn't like it so much for the lyrics but the catchy beat that made it easy to dance to. No I didn't do the train.
    
12. Missing, Everything But The Girl: I don't remember why I liked this song just that I did.
    
13. Ironic, Alanis Morissette: There were a lot of Alanis song's that I didn't like but this one I did. I also loved the video for this song. I saw her in concert once and OMFG does this girl have some energy. It's like she did an 8-ball before she came out on stage. She couldn't sit still.
    
14. Exhale (Shoop Shoop), Whitney Houston
    
15. Follow You Down/Til I Hear It From You, Gin Blossoms: Another one of those top 40 songs with a catchy beat.
    
16. Sittin' Up In My Room, Brandy
    
17. How Do U Want It/California Love, 2Pac
    
18. It's All Coming Back To Me Now, Celine Dion
    
19. Change The World, Eric Clapton: Who wouldn't love a song that starts "If I could reach the stars I'd pull one down for you". EC has got to be one of my favorite musicians of all time. I've loved him since he was in Cream.
    
20. Hey Lover, LL Cool J
    
21. Loungin, LL Cool J
    
22. Insensitive, Jann Arden
    
23. Be My Lover, La Bouche
    
24. Name, Goo Goo Dolls: Sometimes I wish I had someone that I could hide from the world with. Where it didn't matter who I was or what my name was. I think that's why I still like this song.
    
25. Who Will Save Your Soul, Jewel: I think that this song is a great commentary on where the world was at the time it was written and where we're still headed. Kind of sad but everyone is just looking for a quick buck.
    
26. Where Do You Go, No Mercy
    
27. I Can't Sleep Baby (If I), R. Kelly
    
28. Counting Blue Cars, Dishwalla: I think the main reason I liked this song is because I was a new pagan at the time and really into the goddess figure and it refers to god as a woman.
    
29. You Learn/You Oughta Know, Alanis Morissette: I liked this one because it tells you how you should live you life. Go out there! Make mistakes! That's how you learn how to be a better person and make better decisions.
    
30. One Of Us, Joan Osborne: Again I think I liked this one because of my religious research. What if god was one of us? What would (s)he think of what we've done with the planet. I don't think (s)he'd be very happy.
    
31. Wonder, Natalie Merchant
    
32. Not Gon' Cry, Mary J. Blige
    
33. Gangsta's Paradise, Coolio: As much as I dislike rap I did like this song. I liked the movie too.
    
34. Only You, 112 Featuring The Notorious B.I.G.
    
35. Down Low (Nobody Has To Know), R. Kelly
    
36. You're The One, SWV
    
37. Sweet Dreams, La Bouche
    
38. Before You Walk Out Of My Life/Like This And Like That, Monica
    
39. Breakfast At Tiffany's, Deep Blue Something: "And I said what about, breakfast at Tiffany's. She said, "I think I, remember the film and as I recall, I think we, both kinda liked it" And I said , "well, that's the one thing we've got"". I liked it too. You gotta always look for what does work, not what doesn't work or you'll never make it.
    
40. 1, 2, 3, 4 (Sumpin' New), Coolio
    
41. The World I Know, Collective Soul: I've been on the edge before. I was pulled back by love. I don't think I ever want to go there again.
    
42. No Diggity, BLACKstreet (Featuring Dr. Dre)
    
43. Anything, 3t
    
44. 1979, The Smashing Pumpkins: Dude it's a song about the year I was born. And Billy Corgan is HOT! with his little baby face and those chubby cheeks you just want to pinch til he bruises.
    
45. Diggin' On You, TLC
    
46. Why I Love You So Much/Ain't Nobody, Monica
    
47. Kissin' You, Total
    
48. Count On Me, Whitney Houston and Cece Winans
    
49. Fantasy, Mariah Carey
    
50. Time, Hootie and The Blowfish
    
51. You'll See, Madonna
    
52. Last Night, Az Yet
    
53. Mouth, Merril Bainbridge
    
54. The Earth, The Sun, The Rain, Color Me Badd
    
55. All The Things (Your Man Won't Do), Joe
    
56. Wonderwall, Oasis: I think everyone needs a wonderwall in their lives. Someone that they can talk to and be saved by sometimes.
    
57. Woo-hah!! Got You All In Check/Everything Remains Raw, Busta Rhymes
    
58. Tell Me, Groove Theory
    
59. Elevators (Me and You), Outkast
    
60. Hook, Blues Traveler: I think this has got to be one of the most honest songs I've ever heard. It tells the truth about the music industry. It doesn't matter what they say or if they mean it as long as it's catchy.
    
61. Doin It, LL Cool J
    
62. Fastlove, George Michael
    
63. Touch Me Tease Me, Case Featuring Foxxy Brown
    
64. Tonite's Tha Night, Kris Kross
    
65. Children, Robert Miles
    
66. Theme From Mission: Impossible, Adam Clayton and Larry Mullen
    
67. Closer To Free, Bodeans
    
68. Just A Girl, No Doubt: I've felt like this many times in my life. Where someone else was controlling what they thought I should do. What they thought was right for me. I still feel like this sometimes. I'm just sick of everyone else telling me what they think will be right for me. I'm an adult. I'm almost freaking 30 for Christ's sake. Let me make my own decisions.
    
69. If Your Girl Only Knew, Aaliyah
    
70. Lady, D'angelo
    
71. Key West Intermezzo (I Saw You First), John Mellencamp
    
72. Pony, Ginuwine
    
73. Nobody, Keith Sweat
    
74. Old Man and Me (When I Get To Heaven), Hootie and The Blowfish
    
75. If It Makes You Happy, Sheryl Crow:I can't say exactly why I like this song. I just did. Maybe it was the hook.
    
76. As I Lay Me Down, Sophie B. Hawkins
    
77. Keep On, Keepin' On, Mc Lyte
    
78. Jealousy, Natalie Merchant
    
79. I Want To Come Over, Melissa Etheridge: Who doesn't feel teenage angst at unrequited love for the popular guy at school. The thing that made it really bad is that we were friends. He even told me once if I was older then there would've been something. Goddamn statutory rape laws.
    
80. Who Do U Love, Deborah Cox
    
81. Un-Break My Heart, Toni Braxton: I think this one came out not long after my BF left me for my Best Friend. Joke was on him though. He turned her gay.
    
82. This Is Your Night, Amber
    
83. You Remind Me Of Something, R. Kelly
    
84. Runaway, Janet Jackson
    
85. Set U Free, Planet Soul
    
86. Hit Me Off, New Edition
    
87. No One Else, Total
    
88. My Boo, Ghost Town Dj's
    
89. Get Money, Junior M.A.F.I.A.
    
90. That Girl, Maxi Priest Featuring Shaggy: I wanted to be that girl.
    
91. Po Pimp, Do Or Die
    
92. Until It Sleeps, Metallica: This is post haircut and most of their stuff post haircut I didn't like. But this one I do.
    
93. Hay, Crucial Conflict
    
94. Beautiful Life, Ace Of BaseI think I wanted to be happy no matter what. This song gave me that hope.
    
95. Back For Good, Take That
    
96. I Got Id/Long Road, Pearl Jam
    
97. Soon As I Get Home, Faith Evans
    
98. Macarena, Los Del Rio
    
99. Only Wanna Be With You, Hootie and The Blowfish
    
100. Don't Cry, Seal: This goes along with wanting to be loved. Wanting someone there to hold me and tell me it would be okay and I didn't have to cry.
     
     Can you guess what year I graduated? Or actually tested out. I didn't "graduate" in the strictest sense of the term. I tested out before graduation because I was going to college at the same time as high school and what I was learning in college was more advanced than what I was learning AT THE SAME TIME at high school. Isn't that the way it's supposed to work though? College = more difficult than high school. Am I right?
     
     Remember I did say guess. Not go plug one of these songs into a search engine somewhere to see what year they were on the charts. So guess. What year did I test out of high school?

16 Things I Have Made

This list will not include food stuffs. That list would be huge. It will however include some of the craft items I can remember.

1. Numerous cross stitch items
   
2. 2 pairs of socks
   
3. Numerous fulled bags
   
4. Numerous Market Bags
   
5. Clapotis
   
6. a couple of hats
   
7. 2 chemises
   
8. 2 pairs of shorts (with help from mom)
   
9. 1 under skirt
   
10. 1 over skirt
    
11. 1 bodice (again with help from mom)
    
12. curtains
    
13. popsicle stick structures
    
14. clay ashtrays
    
15. beautiful finger painted landscapes (at least that's what I told my mom they were. They must have been beautiful because she usually put them up on the fridge.)
    
16. And one time in elementary school, I made a mission out of sugar cubes (I don't remember which one it was though)
    

1 Answer to a Hypothetical Question

A few days ago Dooce posted a question.

If you could donate some money to a starving family so that they could feed their children but were only allowed to do so if you also gave an equal amount to a crack addict to buy more crack, would you?

She left the comments open on this one. Which I have noticed she's doing more and more lately. I didn't respond to that question. Several thousand responses did come in, quite a few of them were blasting her for asking such an obviously political question. Which it totally wasn't. I am going to answer that question now though.

Having been in the situation where my mother had to decide if she would eat or my brother and I would, I would so totally give the money to the family. My logic is this. If that person takes my $20 or $50 and goes and buys crack eventually they will get bad shit or OD and die. One less crack addict to worry about. However, it might mean one mom or dad that doesn't have to do without and become ill because of a lack of or improper nutrition.

I know some of you may think that's callous and cold and I'm a major bitch for even thinking something like that. However if you're giving them money to buy crack they're not going to use it to get into rehab or buy food. You gave them the money to BUY CRACK. That's what they're going to do with it. Those kinds of people are not helpable, is that even a word?

I'm all for trying to help people that genuinely want the help. That are ready to give up their addictions and clean up their lives. We should have places for them to go where they're in a controlled environment relearning how to be human and not drug addicted monsters. I'm not trying to say that all crack addicts are hopeless. But the ones that are happy with their addictions? Fuck em. Let them kill themselves. I'll even help them on their way if it means that someone else gets the help they need.

A List of 26 Lists

So I have put up a few lists on things on my blog fairly recently. So much so that I was linked to be another blogger as being a list lover. She has challenged us to make lists. Not meaningful lists of anything of significance. Just a list of useless things. To that end I have decided to make a list of things you can make lists of.

1. Things you have made.
   
2. Books you have read
   
3. Movies you have seen
   
4. Reasons to keep hitting snooze in the morning
   
5. People you love
   
6. People you hate
   
7. Things you need to do
   
8. Books you need to read
   
9. Books you want to read
   
10. Books you need to read but don't really want to
    
11. Stuff you need to buy
    
12. Stuff you want to buy but don't have the money for
    
13. Ideas for blog updates
    
14. Knitting patterns you want to make
    
15. Knitting patterns you want to design
    
16. Crafts you want to learn
    
17. Games you want to play
    
18. Celebrities you want to fuck
    
19. Celebrities you want to kill
    
20. "Normal" people you want to kill
    
21. Food you love
    
22. Food you hate
    
23. Cars you want to own
    
24. Cars you have owned
    
25. Hair colors you have had
    
26. Hair colors you would like to have
    

This list could go on and on but I have to go get in the shower to get ready for work now. You can add more in the comments.

Blog Theft 101

1. Find a blog you love.
2. Steal ideas from it

It’s that simple. Granted the blog I stole this from stole it from another blog. Woo Hoo. Lots of fun.


The instructions for passing this list around the internet like a viral disease are as follows:

1. Look at the list and bold those you have read.
   
2. Italicize those you intend to read.
   
3. Underline the books you love.
   
   Abdpbt has added to these instructions the following:
   
   
4. Put in ALL CAPS the one that are also on the hypothetical list of books that Sarah Palin did not ask to have banned, but merely inquired about the theory of banning in general, a subtle and unimportant distinction.
   
5. Strike through books that should not be on the list. This might be due to the fact that you hate them, or think they are not “literary,” or just because you are being capricious today.
   
6. Color green those books that are propaganda or glorified trash. Feel justified in making these kinds of distinctions based on your status as both an ivory tower intellectual and a card carrying member of the media elite. Accuse naysayers of living in a “fly over” state. Drink organic coffee sweetened with agave nectar or stevia.
   
7. Color red those books you haven’t read but “should” have, or which you have never heard of. Offer self-effacing, anti-intellectual explanations where necessary. Talk about how much you like popular culture as diversion tactic, and to make people think that you are “quirky.” Wear glasses with dark rims.
   
8. Add books that should be on the list to the end. Take comfort in the fact that no list of this kind could ever be complete, and will always alienate someone. It is the problem with establishing canonicity. Pat self on back for using word “canonicity” outside of academic paper. Also, punch self in face for being tool.
   

She says, “Listen, it’s my website and I make the rules. So I don’t want to hear any bitching. So without any further ado, the list:”

I have edited the list to reflect my changes with the above rules except rule number 1. I’m just too lazy to go try to find a copy of that list and compare.

1. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen: I personally feel anything by this woman is useless drivel. If I want to read trashy romance novels I’ll go buy them on clearance at Big Lots for 50¢.
   
2. The Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkien
   
3. Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
   
4. The Harry Potter Series by JK Rowling: Loved every one of these books. I do reread them sometimes too. I did however get very angry with JK when Dumbledore died in book 6. Hope that didn’t ruin it for you.
   
5. To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee: Had to read it in school. Don’t really remember it though.
   
6. The Bible: I really should read this just to see what all the crazies are talking about and why they’re so fanatical about this book.
   
7. Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte
   
8. Nineteen Eighty Four by George Orwell: I find it kind of scary that under the current administration, and possibly the next, we’re moving closer and closer to this state. Orwell was right just not on the date.
   
9. His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman
   
10. Great Expectations by Charles Dickens: I’ve heard this is a really good book. I didn’t see the movie but it seems like it might be fun. I’ll let you know once I’ve read it.
    
11. Little Women by Louisa M Alcott
    
12. Tess of the D’Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy: abdpbt said this was the most depressing book she ever read until she got to one of the other books on the list. I however found it wonderful. Makes me want to keep going no matter how bad I think things have gotten just like Tess did.
    
13. Catch 22 Joseph Heller
    
14. Complete Works of Shakespeare
    
15. Rebecca by Daphne Du Maurier
    
16. The Hobbit by JRR Tolkien: Read this as a child. I’ve always loved fantasy novels. Even the trash romance novels I read now are about things that probably can’t happen. Time travel and vampires and stuff like that. Some will say that this shouldn't have it's own place on the list as it's part of the LoTR Trilogy. In fact it is not a part of the trilogy. It's a prequel. (And OH MY GOD THE HELL! How much of a geek am I that I abbreviated it LoTR?)
    
17. Birdsong by Sebastian Faulks
    
18. The Catcher in the Rye by JD Salinger: Another book I was forced to read in high school. Don’t really remember much of it though. I do know I liked it.
    
19. The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
    
20. Middlemarch by George Eliot
    
21. Gone With The Wind by Margaret Mitchell: hated the movie, and I know everyone always says the books better but I don’t think I can make myself care about such a spoiled rotten brat as Scarlett.
    
22. The Great Gatsby by F Scott Fitzgerald: Don’t really know what this one is about but I do know that there’s always a lot of hype surrounding it.
    
23. Bleak House by Charles Dickens
    
24. War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy: This is one of those books you just have to read at least once in your life.
    
25. The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams: Loved the movie, hope the books better.
    
26. Brideshead Revisited by Evelyn Waugh
    
27. Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky: Another one of those books you have to read.
    
28. Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck: I like the other Steinbeck work I’ve read so I’m hoping this is good as well. I think I may have read this in high school but I don’t remember.
    
29. Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll: Loved the Disney movie as a child and didn’t realize quite how different they make things.
    
30. The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Grahame: Love Mr. Toad’s wild ride and like books with anthropomorphized animals.
    
31. Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy
    
32. David Copperfield by Charles Dickens: This is one of those books I SHOULD read but probably never will.
    
33. Chronicles of Narnia by CS Lewis: Anthropomorphized animals. What more is there to say?
    
34. Emma by Jane Austen: See number 1
    
35. Persuasion by Jane Austen: See number 1
    
36. The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe by CS Lewis: See number 33
    
37. The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini: I’ve heard of this book and heard good things about this book. So eh? Why not?
    
38. Captain Corelli’s Mandolin by Louis De Bernieres
    
39. Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden: Another one where I loved the movie and hope the books better.
    
40. Winnie the Pooh by AA Milne: Who hasn’t read Winnie the Pooh? If you haven’t there must be something wrong with you.
    
41. Animal Farm by George OrwellMore anthropomorphized animals, and this one has a message.
    
42. The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown: I read it because of all the hype surrounding the movie. It wasn’t as good as I had hoped but it was better than the movie.
    
43. One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
    
44. A Prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving
    
45. The Woman in White by Wilkie Collins
    
46. Anne of Green Gables by LM Montgomery: I read this as a preteen and thought it was boring. I still think it’s boring.
    
47. Far From The Madding Crowd by Thomas Hardy: I like his other work and therefore will hopefully like this one too.
    
48. The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood.
    
49. Lord of the Flies by William Golding: Another one of them required books.
    
50. Atonement by Ian McEwan
    
51. Life of Pi by Yann Martel
    
52. Dune by Frank Herbert: I liked the movies and this is another that I hope will be better.
    
53. Cold Comfort Farm by Stella Gibbons
    
54. Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen: See number 1
    
55. A Suitable Boy by Vikram Seth
    
56. The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon
    
57. A Tale Of Two Cities by Charles Dickens: I’ve heard Dickens is boring. I’ve been told a very verbose person. However if I can get through Hugo I could probably get through Dickens.
    
58. Brave New World by Aldous Huxley: It’s another one of those future doom and gloom books but still there’s hope.
    
59. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time by Mark Haddon
    
60. Love In The Time Of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
    
61. Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck: Yet another required read. However this one I enjoyed.
    
62. Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov: I’ve heard the story outline but never actually read the book.
    
63. The Secret History by Donna Tartt
    
64. The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold: This want to read is based on comments other’s have left regarding this book.
    
65. Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas: I’m just not one for prison stories. I know it’s supposed to be a great story but thbbpt is kind of how I feel about it.
    
66. On The Road by Jack Kerouac: I don’t really have anything to say about this one I just don’t think I’ll ever read it.
    
67. Jude the Obscure by Thomas Hardy: Another one of those that I think I might like because of my like of his other works.
    
68. Bridget Jones’s Diary by Helen Fielding: Hated the movies would probably hate the books. I mean I have enough blogs to read already. I don’t want to add another.
    
69. Midnight’s Children by Salman Rushdie
    
70. Moby Dick by Herman Melville.
    
71. Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens: I like the musical that was adapted from this perhaps I’d like the book.
    
72. Dracula by Bram Stoker: I’ve read lots of vampire stories. I usually like them all. This one was a fun twist on the usual story.
    
73. The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett: I know I’ve read this but can’t for the life of me remember anything about it. Which means I was either really young or it really sucked.
    
74. Notes From A Small Island by Bill Bryson
    
75. Ulysses by James Joyce
    
76. The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath: This is one of those woman books. Right? Something every woman should read. Right? At least that’s what I remember hearing about it.
    
77. Swallows and Amazons by Arthur Ransome
    
78. Germinal by Emile Zola
    
79. Vanity Fair by William Makepeace Thackeray: The plot of this book seems incredibly boring. I’m not really interested in intrigues and plots to get the dying aunts money and other such drivel.
    
80. Possession by AS Byatt
    
81. A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens: Who doesn’t remember humbugs come x-mas time?
    
82. Cloud Atlas by David Mitchell
    
83. The Color Purple by Alice Walker: I know Oprah was in a movie of this once. Or was in Whoopie. Shit I can’t remember and I’m not going to take the time to look it up.
    
84. The Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro: If this is the one they made the movie out of never never never going to read it. The movie almost put me to sleep it was so boring. And since most of my reading is done in bed I’m pretty sure the book WOULD put me to sleep.
    
85. Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert
    
86. A Fine Balance by Rohinton Mistry
    
87. Charlotte’s Web by EB White: Loved this book as a child. We need more PEOPLE like Charlotte in this world. Willing to go out of their way to help others.
    
88. The Five People You Meet In Heaven by Mitch Albom: How does this person know who I’m going to meet in heaven? Or even if that’s where I’m going? I mean come on. Did he die? Did he go to heaven? I know if I went to heaven I don’t think I’d ask to come back to write a book about who I met there.
    
89. Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle: This is bolded and italicized because I’ve read some of them and need to read the rest.
    
90. The Faraway Tree Collection by Enid Blyton
    
91. Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad: I just like the title. Sound all dark and dangerous. It probably isn’t though.
    
92. The Little Prince by Antoine De Saint-Exupery: Read in the original French. Over the course of several months with my French-English dictionary next to me. I never was a good French student.
    
93. The Wasp Factory by Iain Banks
    
94. Watership Down by Richard Adams: All I remember is something to do with rabbits. Not sure if that was in the story or if it was just the picture on the cover. But I definitely remember rabbits.
    
95. A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole
    
96. A Town Like Alice by Nevil Shute
    
97. The Three Musketeers by Alexandre Dumas: I’ve heard lots of things about the musketeers and what they did, what they stood for and all that I should probably read what all the fuss is about and really learn what Dumas thought they should be.
    
98. Hamlet by William Shakespeare: Another one of those required reads in high school. And oddly enough one that I really did like. I know I said earlier that I didn’t care for intrigues and trying to get what you don’t really deserve but hey it’s Shakespeare.
    
99. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl
    
100. Les Miserables by Victor Hugo: The first time I read this, yes first time I have read it more than once, it was hard to get through. Damned Hugo and making the first 6 chapters about the history of what’s going on at the time.
     
     
     Books added by abdpbt:
     
     
     
101. The Moor’s Last Sigh by Salman Rushdie.
     
102. White Teeth by Zadie Smith.
     
103. Tom Jones by Henry Fielding.
     
104. Geek Love by Kathryn Dunn.
     
105. Blindness by Jose Saramago.
     
106. The Corrections by Jonathan Frantzen.
     
107. Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides
     
108. A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers.
     
109. Fury by Salman Rushdie.
     
110. Interpreter of Maladies by Jhumpa Lahiri.
     
111. The Monk by Mathew Lewis.
     
     
     Books I would add:
     
     
     
112. The Hunchback of Notre Dame By Victor Hugo
     
113. The Sword of Truth Series by Terry Goodkind
     
114. The Complete Works of E.A. Poe
     
115. L’Etranger (The Stranger) by Albert Camus
     
116. The Jungle by Upton Sinclair
     
117. Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
     
118. Something Wicked This Way Comes By Ray Bradbury
     
119. The Foundation Series by Isaac Asimov
     
120. Slaughterhouse 5 by Kurt Vonegut
     
121. Siddhartha by Herman Hesse
     

Yes I have read all the books in my additions. Yes I liked them all. 113 is actually 8 or 9 books and 119 is at least 3, probably more.


As far as the books on the original list are concerned I have only read a quarter of them. Not great but still much better than abdpbt’s assertion that most people have only read 6 of the books.


So what would your list include?

Was Hitler a Great Leader?

This is becoming a trend for me. Getting my blogging ideas from Dooce's comments. I just can't help myself. The people that post to her comments are usually the funniest people in the world.

Yesterday she opened herself up to more hate asking for discussion. She posted a video clip of Republican VP Candidate Palin and asked why people were still so in love with her. One of the comments left was this, in regards to Democratic Pres Candidate Obama.

"Hitler was a great speaker, did that make him a good leader?

I think it's scary to have such a smooth talker in office. I'm not saying he's Hitler, but who knows. And I admit I like listening to Obama speak. But he gets away with saying some shit because he's so smooth...I don't care for that kind of pull."

This got me to thinking. I know I'm going to offend some people out there in the Interwebs with this post but hey that's why I love having a blog. I can write whatever I want and don't have to care who I piss off.

Mirriam Webster defines the word leader as:

" a person who leads: as a: guide , conductor b (1): a person who directs a military force or unit (2): a person who has commanding authority or influence"

By that definition Hitler was not just a good leader. He was a fucking phenomenal leader. His countrymen loved him, as evidenced by the atrocities they committed for him. He gave his people what they needed at the time. Which is what made him so powerful.

Granted he united his people with hate and did horrible things to people that didn't deserve it. He was still a great leader. While his country was in turmoil and being bombarded from all sides by those opposed to what he was doing he still managed to keep control and had a huge army at his command. While I don't like the things he with his "leadership" I do have to say that the man was and great leader.

Censorship

I usually try to stay out of the policital debates. That's not what I wanted my blog to be about. I wanted it to be about light and funny things. And I guess what I'm about to say isn't really a political debate, more of a debate/rant on censorship and the 1st Amendment.

I have tried to post openly and honestly about what I think and feel in life. I have always tried not to alienate anyone from reading my blog. We all know there aren't very many of you. I have censored myself with regards to certain aspects of my life. However, I have to open my mouth about what is going on in the comments of my favorite blog to read.

Heather Armstrong writes and publishes Dooce.com. Almost always her posts are light and funny posts about her husband, child, or dogs. Every once in a while she'll get a bug up her butt and post about something important to her. Kind of like the bug I get up my butt every once in a while.

Today she, in my opinion, tactfully posted her feelings about the speech given by Republican VP candidate Palin. She posted a link to an AP article explaining how some of the things said in the speech were incorrect. She left this post open to comments. She usually closes comments on all of her posts. She has gotten tired of the hate spewed her way.

I can't begin to fathom why she left them open this time. I don't know her personally, although I do feel a certain amount of closeness with this woman who has opened her home and life to the world. I can only guess that it was because she wanted people to get together and actually TALK about what's going on in this election.

What I found somewhat disturbing was the amount of people telling her that she never should have posted about this. That she should have kept her mouth shut and posted about what she knew best. That a mommyblog was no place for politics. What are they thinking? This is America that she lives in and we have the 1st Amendment.

IT'S HER BLOG. sHE CAN POST WHATEVER SHE DAMN WELL PLEASES AND YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO TAKE THAT AWAY FROM HER. We are granted a certain amount of freedom of speech by the 1st Amendment. I know that freedom comes with responsibilty. I do not believe that she was being irresponsible in her post.

Although I don't agree with ALL of what she said I do agree with a lot of what she said. Whether or not I agree with her comments however has nothing to do with her ability or right to post them. It's her point of view on this issue.

Neither am I saying that the people that told her to shut up should not have been allowed to post. They could have, as some did, simply stopped reading the blog. If you don't like something that you can't control you stop subjecting yourself to it. If you can control it then by all means try to change it. To publicly attack someone the comments of thier blog and tell them that their stupid or don't know what they're talking about is, to me, akin to going into someone's living room and saying those things to their face. It's like the cyber bullying commercials, don't know if you have them where you live, but "If you wouldn't say it to someone's face why would you say it online?"

What someone else posts on their blog is none of my business. If I don't like it I don't read it. It's not like she's in these people's homes with guns to their heads forcing them to read her blog or look at pictures of her dogs. I know she lives within 25 miles of me but I'm not afraid she'll come over and "pay me a visit" if I don't read her blog on a daily basis.

So what the fuck is wrong with people that they think it's okay to tell her what she can and can't say on her own damn blog? Have we become so self-centered in this country that we can't accept that there are other people out there? That they might think differently than we do? That they have the right to think differently? That that is what actually makes this country great?

Soemtimes I get so fed up with the pettiness in the world.

Constipation Studies

So I'm driving to my studio this morning listening to the local oldies radio station. I hear a commercial for Lifetree Clinical Research. They're doing a study on constipation. Specifically on opiate narcotics and the effects on bowel mobility. The commercial wasn't clear on that point.

I've had constipation problems since I was a baby. My mom said the first time I had a solid movement it scared her because it was bigger than what she could do. Since then it hasn't gotten better. I'll go three or four days sometimes between movements if I don't take a laxative or get enough fiber in my diet; and I start getting nauseous after eating towards the end of that time.

When those blessed days come I can spend as much as 30 minutes on the toilet. I don't try to rush things. Just let them happen naturally. This is learned after one time trying to rush it and tearing myself. Not good.

So I call the number and I start talking to this lady who's accepting applications at the research center.

Me: "I'm calling about the constipation study."

Her: "Oh Great! You have constipation?"

Me: "Since I was a baby. Scared my mom once when I was still in diapers."

Her actually sounding like she really cares: "Oh my you poor thing. Well let me ask. Are you taking opiates?"

Me: "No. Is that what you're looking for? People taking opiate narcotics?"

Her: "Yes. Well...hold on a second let me check something really quick."

Hold Music

Her: "Are you still there?"

Me: "Yes"

Her: "We're not looking for control subjects at this time. But you know you can look online for other places that might be doing research that can help you." In her most concerned voice, "I'm so sorry we couldn't help you."

I just about pissed myself laughiong at that, after hanging up of course. She really felt bad that I can't shit on a regular basis. Or at least she sounded like she cared. She takes her job a little too seriously.

Questions?

Why do non-funny people even try to be funny? It's just sad really.

Questions?

Why does a hangnail or paper cut hurt so goddamn bad? I think I'd rather cut my finger off.

Questions?

Why do adult children torture themselves with week long "vacations" driving their parents around Texas and Oklahoma?